Apology

I apologize for my former post. I needed to vent, to release my feelings, let them exist somewhere else besides in me. It's not a pretty poem. It doesn't make you feel warm and fuzzy inside. But since when is life ALWAYS warm and fuzzy? Like pictures, it seems that people only post or write about the happy, the good, but never the bad. If you look through a photo album, you will see happy, funny, beautiful, momentous events. But you never see the hurt, the pain, the loneliness, the times of depression, the jealousy, the self consciousness. Life isn't always peachy keen. It's hard. It will make you fall to your knees, begging for air, for release, for hope. It can break you. But it always changes. There are highs and lows. And in this blog, I will express the highs, the joys, the love, the happiness, but also the hurt, the sadness, the pain, the frustration. So here is life. Expressed in raw form. I hope my readers can appreciate it, and know that I'm not always perfect, or happy,
but I am real.

This foreign creature

I hate myself.
I hate what I've become.
This cancer that is slowly taking over
A disease, a foreign creature.
This has never been me.
Never apart of me.
Never a problem
Never a concern
I've never been one of "those" people
Those people who are sad for no reason
Who feel out of control and can't fix it
My mentality is screwed
Is twisted
Is jaded
It's like the real Latissa is being forced down, down, down
A sad creature is above, writhing in depression and panic
Where did she come from?
Who is she?
She doesn't belong here
Banish her
Make her stop
Make her leave
You are not welcome
Why do you exist.
Please give me Latissa back
Please let her shine
Please set her free
She is happy
She is waiting
She is begging
And alive
Desperately trying to breathe
Hanging on for all she's got.
She will never let go.
No never.